


Jitters Across Time And Space

by ButterflyGhost



Category: due South
Genre: F/M, M/M, Photography, Wedding Planning, complementary art
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:59:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyGhost/pseuds/ButterflyGhost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Scribe and Seascribe's <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2410280?view_adult=true">Origin Story</a>   , in which true love conquers all, and OT3's rule forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Conversations in the Kitchen

 

 

"You know, Benny, sometimes I don't think I'm ever getting married."

 

"What do you mean, Ray? Of course you're getting married. At least... I hope so. I've booked the day off work."

 

"I don't mean that. I just mean.... you know the nearer it gets to the day, the less me and Stella seem to see each other? See that whiteboard?"

 

"Yes, Ray. It's a very fine whiteboard."

 

"All our conversations this week have been written up on that fridge."

 

"Well, it is a sensible system, Ray, for two such busy people as yourself...."

 

"Benny, I'm moaning. Don't interrupt me when I'm moaning."

 

"Understood."

 

"Benny?"

 

"Yes Ray?"

 

"You can stop being quiet now. I've stopped moaning. Say what you're gonna say."

 

"Ray, I just wanted you to know how happy I am for you. I'm sure your nerves are simply attributable to pre-wedding day jitters, and that the occasion itself will be as beautiful as -"  


 

"Benny?"

 

"Yes, Ray?"

 

"You can shut up now."

 

"Understood."

 

"But thanks."

 

"You're welcome."

 

"I couldn't think of a better best man."

 

"Oh. Thank you."

 

"Stop blushing."

 

"I am not blushing."

 

"Yeah you are. Oh... there you go. Your collar tight?"

 

"A little."

 

"Oh, hell."

 

"What's wrong, Ray?"

 

"That pig Kowalski has drunk all our milk again."

 

"Ah."  
  


"Ah? What does 'ah' mean?"

 

"Nothing. He seems to spend a lot of time here."

 

"Yeah, well. So do you."

 

"That's true."

 

"Oh shit."

 

"Really, Ray. Language."

 

"Yeah, but this is a disaster."

 

"What?"

 

"He ate all the macaroons."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My son is now a fully fledged 'actor' who has appeared in a due South spin off, body doubling for CKR. Well, that's what he tells me he's putting on his CV now anyway. He's such a method actor he even pretended to be right handed for this. 
> 
> Also, like the series itself, this was filmed in one country pretending to be another. Virtual macaroons to be won by anyone spotting the (occasionally hilarious and blatant) continuity errors.


	2. Proof is in the Pudding

"You know, I haven't been this nervous since... Well, since Ray asked me to the Prom."

 

"Wait, what? My brother asked you to the Prom? He didn't even _know_ you back then... did he?"

 

"No, not your brother Ray, my _other_ Ray."

 

"Oh, you mean _Ray_ Ray. Not Ray."

 

"Yeah, that's who I mean."

 

 _"Ray_ asked you to the Prom? I thought he was gay?"

 

"He is."

 

"So why did he ask you to the Prom?"

 

"Because I'm so sexy even gay guys fall for me?"

 

"Yeah, that must be it. You'll have to tell me your secret."

 

"Family secret. I'd have to kill you."

 

"Shame. I coulda used it on Fraser."

 

"Fraser's not gay!"

 

"Isn't he?"

 

"Well.... Oh. You know, I don't know. I mean, he's... actually, I really don't know."

 

"Sad thing is, neither does he. So, did you say 'yes?'"

 

"Excuse me?"

 

"When Ray asked you to the Prom? Did you say yes?"

 

 _"Hell,_ yes! Have you seen him?"

 

"Oh! So, you had a thing for him?"

 

"Stop being nosey."

 

"You're the one who started with the whole 'days of my youth' story telling thingy."

 

"True."

 

"Hey, soon-to-be-Sis, you're looking worried. What's wrong?"

 

"I know it sounds silly, but which wedding invite should I go for? I _hate_ this one."

 

"Yeah. It's a bit blah. It needs lovebirds, or hearts or something."

 

"And a map on the back...."

 

"Why a map? Everyone knows where St Mike's is."

 

"My cousins don't. I need them to find St Mike's, and the reception afterward."

 

"I thought you didn't like your cousins...."

 

"You know, you got a point. No map."

 

"What do you think of this one instead?"

 

"No, your brother already nixed that one."

 

"Why? It's got a church and a steeple and everything. And lots of lovely hearts...."

 

"It's pink."

 

"What's he got against pink?"

 

"Seriously, you need to ask, after that paint factory explosion?"

 

"He's never going to forgive Fraser for that one. He's still finding pink flakes on the Riv."

 

"Stop sniggering."

 

"It's funny!"

 

"Okay.... so, what about this one instead?"

 

"Oh. Not that one."

 

"Why not?"

 

"It looks like a business card, not a wedding invitation."

 

"Oh. Good point."

 

"How about this one instead?"

 

"Oh, God."

 

"Stella? Are you headbutting the table?"

 

"Just a little bit."

 

"Okay. Just wanted to be sure. We haven't even talked about balloons yet."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Assistant States Attorneys were harmed in the filming of this episode, though she may decide that face-palming is a slightly less headache inducing manner of expressing stress than head-desking.


	3. Macaroon Mystery

**Overheard in a living room:**

 

"Wow, Vecchio. Your Ma makes awesome pastries, but what's with the purple pillows everywhere?"

 

"Shuddit, Kowalski. My Ma's house - if she wants the throw pillows from hell that's her business.... hey! I wanted that one."

 

"Yeah, well, I got it now."

 

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

 

"Mrghmumm gnom gnom gnom gnom gnom."

 

"Seriously, you're a pig."

 

"It's an important service. We're testing samples."

 

"No we're not. We're stuffing our faces."

 

"It's in the interest of science. Besides, she said we could try some."

 

"She said we could try _some,_ not inhale every last crumb within breathing distance. What do you think you are? Pacman?"

 

"Hey! Hands off! I wanted the chocolate brownie!"

 

"Yeah, well, groom's prerogative. And THIS is not a brownie. THIS is the food of the gods."

 

"Is that actual gold leaf?"

 

"Yup." (Belch.) "Well, it was."

 

"Pig."

 

 

 

"Don't talk with your mouthful, Raimondo."

 

"Ma! Sorry!"

 

"Have you boys been eating all the macaroons?"

 

"No! It was him!"

 

"Way to be a grown-up Stanley. And, Ma - see? We didn't eat all of them. There's... uhm... four left."

 

"We're being good, Mrs Vecchio."

 

"Non me credo una parola." (Door slams.)

 

"Vecchio, I think we're busted."

 

"Don't worry. She'll be back with more in a minute. Secretly, she's really pleased. Secretly, you made her day."

 

"Uh... Vecchio? Where did the rose come from?"

 

"What rose?"

 

"That one. On the plate. When I wasn't looking and we were talking to your Ma?"

 

"I thought _you_ put it there."

 

"Why would I give you roses?"

 

"I have no idea. You tell me."

 

"You're weird, Vecchio."

 

"Shuddup. Hey, you want to split the lavender macaroon?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally our 'Master Chef' said he was going to make a little wedding cake. I pointed out that people couldn't eat cake online... he pointed out that we, on the other hand, could. Then he did some research into international cake customs, and decided to make macaroons and brownies instead.
> 
> These are the macaoroons of dS doom. We don't know where the rose came from.... (Well, actually, we do, but it sounds better to have a mystery rose.)


	4. Tower of Cake

 

 

"Come on, Stella, you don't know what you're missing...."

 

"I don't have to know. I can _see_ the thing. It looks more like a Christmas tree than a wedding cake."

 

"Yeah, but it's traditional, and it tastes like heaven."

 

"Our cake is traditional too."

 

"Yeah, but it tastes like crap. Especially after a year in the freezer."

 

"Hm...."

 

"Come on, you don't want to wake up a year after the wedding and feast our first anniversary with dried up freezer cake, when we can get Ma to make us macaroons instead."

 

"What _is_ it with you and Ray and macaroons?"

 

"You ain't tried any yet, have you? I mean, proper macaroons. I mean, _Italian_ macaroons."

 

"No...."

 

"Come on, my macaroony virgin. I'm gonna make you eat cake, Italian style."

 

"Ray! That's obscene!"

 

"Yeah, but delicious. Come on baby, let's eat cake...."

 

"We're in public! Get your hand off my ass! Okay.... hold that thought. You can put it back, later."

 

"Okay."

 

"You. Stop smirking. These had better be the sexiest macaroons in the world."

 

"Look, let's just go in the shop. Talk to the guy. Try some proper Italian pastries before you make your mind up about the cake...."

 

"Ray? He's one of your cousins, isn't he?"

 

"Uh.... So?"

 

"Oh.... well. If he's got Vecchio DNA I suppose at least he can cook."

 

"Oh yeah."

 

"And they are probably really sexy macaroons."

 

"I'll let you be the judge of that."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virtual hugs, rubber ducks and macaroons to the first person to spot the continuity error. (It's dS! We're allowed!)
> 
> Plus, the silliest line in this was provided with my son, who really needs to get his own stand-up show.


	5. Visiting Dignitary

 

 

[ ](http://tinypic.com?ref=xqi1ck)

 

 

"Stella, you look fine."

 

"I should have dressed up for her."

 

"Stella, she's my mother. Not the Pope. It's not like a state visit or something."

 

"Ray, she's your mother. She's _exactly_ like the Pope, and this _is_ a state visit."

 

"I don't get why you're so nervous. It's not the first time we've had her over."

 

"Yeah, but it's the first time I've cooked."

 

"What, in your _life?_ Ow! Why are you punching my arm!"

 

"Because you're being a dick. You know what I mean. It's the first time I've cooked for your Ma. And it's like...."

 

"Cooking for the Pope."

 

"Exactly."

 

"Ma will be fine."

 

"I should go get changed...."

 

"Don't. You look lovely. You get dressed up, she'll think she's your guest. You stay like you are, she'll know you're family."

 

"You think?"

 

"I know. I know the secret workings of Ma's mind."

 

"You do?"

 

"Well... no. Nobody knows that. But I do know this. You're fine."

 

"Oh God. I'm wearing jeans, and the kitchen is a mess."

 

"Stella? Sit down. You're fine, the kitchen is fine, and Ma loves you."

 

"You think?"

 

"I know."

 

"At least let me put the flowers in a vase."

 

"Fine."

 

"And put out the good China...."

 

"Stella?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Vieni qui e baciami."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By this stage I had induced one fifteen year old boy to provide edibles, an eighteen year old boy to do RayK's handwriting, and now I have my gf's eldest lad's girlfriend cosplaying Stella, and gf trying to keep her face out of shot so she can cosplay Ma Vecchio. The youngest has been running around shouting 'Look Turtles'! all day. We may, or may not, one day seize back control. At the moment, I kinda doubt it.
> 
> It is fair to say that by the end of the day, we were all in a very dS mood. Once we were totally out of macaroons six of us celebrated by sitting in the living room watching the Pilot.
> 
> Oh, virtual cookies for spotting the tell tale signs that we were not, in fact, in Canada, and that this is a couple of decades in!


	6. First Anniversary

 

"Oh, for _God's_ sake! Will you boys stop wriggling? We need a bigger bed."

 

"Stella, baby, I like the idea, but it wouldn't fit in the room. Besides, we make do. Stanley here can always sleep in the closet."

 

"Hardy har har. I've been out of the closet for decades. _You're_ the one in Narnia."

 

"Well, I was fine till I met you."

 

"Yeah, yeah. You tell yourself that, Vecchio. You're perfectly straight."

 

"I'm a married man, in bed with his wife."

 

"Whatever. All I can see is a half goat guy, standing in the snow with an umbrella."

 

".... Stella? Is Stanley okay? I mean.... You know. He's not a space cadet or anything? He's taking all his meds?"

 

"He's talking about Mr Tumnus, Ray."

 

"Who? Oh.... right. Narnia. So, he's not like... seeing things? It's hard to tell, because I did just blow his mind...."

 

"That's not all you blew."

 

"Ray. Ray. RAY!!!"

 

"What?"

 

"Oops, you done it now, Raimondo."

 

"Will you both SHUT UP! We have to go to work in the morning."

 

"You didn't complain about us keeping you up before, Stell."

 

"Now look what you made her do, Kowalski. She just hit herself on the forehead. People are gonna think I beat her up if you don't stop driving her to madness."

 

"Why the hell did I marry you guys?"

 

"Aw, Stell...."

 

"'Cause we love you."

 

"And each other."

 

"Yeah, quit the mushy stuff, Kowalski."

 

"I love you too."

 

"Fine. Yeah. Goodnight."

 

"What, don't you love me?"

 

"Yeah, yeah. I love you too."

 

"Oh, good. I am _so_ glad you guys got that out of your system. Jeeze.... Can we get some sleep now?"

 

"Yeah, Stella."

 

"Si, mia cara. You're the Boss."

 

"Humph. Well. Don't you forget it. Goodnight, boys."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, no cosplay in this one. But I'm sure they're happy enough...


End file.
